Balance.

I think things have finally calmed down.

That’s not to say things are not crazy – I’m already on my 4th heart attack this week because of work – but rather that for the first time in this internship I actually feel confident enough to say that I’m in control of my work. In control of the standard that I put out, in control of the work rate, in control of how I present it to my colleagues. Of course, there are checks and balances, and it doesn’t give me a free rein to just do whatever I feel, but I think I’ve finally convinced myself that I can pull my own weight and can stand my corner when I need to. Feels nice.

Been meaning to grab Mike for a chat at some point to run a few ideas past him. I’m doing some filming work for uni next year that I’ve been given a fairly free remit in terms of the creative scope, and I wanted to develop a few ideas I’m having so it looks like I know what I’m doing during production. My philosophy has shifted on this project – in no small part from working here. I think that the director of this production (i.e. me) should actually do as little ‘directing’ as possible, rather, I should give my subject(s) an environment/scenario to respond naturally and let that dictate the direction of the film. Just struggling to get out of a bit of a creative rut with it at the moment.

I think it’s a similar phenomenon to recipe development. You’re taking a really basic idea or premise (“make a video about CAM” vs. “make a recipe that is easy, quick and cheap”), researching the remit (“what are other similar videos doing well or not well, plus where else can I take inspiration for the narrative arc and general production” vs “what dishes or cuisines fit all these criteria and how can I make it fit this specific remit”), developing the ideas into a structure (“make a storyboard and/or production schedule” vs. “write the actual recipe”) then, finally, the fun bit; JFDI.

I think there’s always a balance between how much one should think things through and how much one should just bloody well *do* a task. There must be a case for either school of thought, and they both equally have their definite applications (and indeed times where they are absolutely the wrong thing to do). I guess finding that balance is where the heart of the actual learning is. The key to a lot of things is balance, which brings me nicely back to the topic of work.

When I said I was in control earlier, I meant more that I felt I have overcome the things I struggled with badly over the past couple of months (and indeed, few years – but that’s a story for another time). Finding that balance between the responsibility of doing an really good job and doing it consistently. Finding that balance between professionalism and humanity. Finding the balance between hard work and not working myself to death.

I’m at about the 80% mark of my time through this internship now, and I want to focus this last 20% on three key points; reflection, development and legacy. I want to devote my remaining time to really understand the whole journey I’ve been on – the people, the decisions, the tasks, the highlights *and* the shit parts. I want to leave with a clear understanding of what’s next, or at least what I need to do to take my next steps and finally I want to leave knowing that my work will allow the next person in my role to (hopefully) do great things with the experiences and learning we’ve been through so far.

***

In other news, I actually managed to do something that wasn’t food related for once. I went and took pictures. They’re on this blog somewhere; I’ll leave you to search for them. I’m pretty happy with them. It was a nice break from thinking about work for once.

I’m even going to cricket this weekend. Not for the actual cricket, mind you. Anyone for Pimms? 

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